Israel

Day 1.

January 16, 2019

Travel rule #1 is do not sleep the night before a big trip. Check.

Left Denver on a half empty 757. It has a fresh paint job but was beat up with big scratches and dents on the skins. Performance was as you would expect. Very fun.

The flight from EWR to TLV was on a 777-200ER. I was in the middle seat about 2/3 of the way back. There was no way I could sleep. At any given moment there were a dozen or so people standing around conversing and getting in way of the flight attendants with small children running up and down the aisles. The orthodox fella to my right read from his holy book and mumbled out loud for the first hour or so of the flight. Then he rocked front to back with his eyes closed and mumbled for about another half an hour. Then he regularly  paced up and down the aisle. About seven hours into the flight 12 to 15 men, and only men, including my aforementioned seatmate, got up and donned white ponchos with grey stripes. They wound long straps around their left arm and strapped small black boxes to their forehead. Then they stood up around the bulkhead and mumbled and prayed for about 30 minutes. Praying this way also requires rocking back and or front to back. They reminded me of penguins. When my seat mate sat back down after folding up his poncho with some ceremony he again prayed for a good long while.  Finally I had to ask. The praying coincides with the rising sun and the rest is just too complicated to go in to. He and I had a long chat. I was concerned about referring to “the occupied territories”, or Palestine, or the West Bank. He said they were all fine. We discussed how England was all to blame,  and the shift in U.S. policy away from supporting democracy to supporting moderate Arab regimes, and who can safely roam around in the occupied territory (non Jewish men with money who can pay off local guides). Then he began talking about U.S. interference in Israel. Not government interference but billionaires, not Donald, meddling about. He ended the discussion abruptly.

On the approach the flight attendants forcefully tried to get everyone seated with their seat backs upright and tray tables stowed. It was like herding cats. I will not forget this flight for a long time.

Customs and passports was a breeze. So was getting a sim card, some local currency, and a train ticket. To ride the train you need a card that costs $5. Yes, $5. Then you load the card with shekels for the fair? I found a hotel in Jerusalem by 11:00 a.m. and dropped off my bag.  I then proceeded to walk the earth. My landmarks for the hotel is that it is above the Pizza Hut, across from the Irish pub, and up the street from the kosher McDonald’s. I scouted out dinner and breakfast.

Jerusalem has alleys, nooks, and crannies stuffed with small shops and restaurants ready for exploration but he weather is terrible. Strong wind, rain showers, an even some snow in the forecast. I heard gossip in the lobby that tours to the Dead Sea are cancelled due to flooding.

Day 2.

Eggs florentine with salmon and a small salad. Yum.

The old city was about a one hour walk past ruins, houses, parks, shops, ad-hoc landfills, and nice office buildings. The tourist section was easy to find along with Neil, a secular Jew and unofficial guide. I hired Neil for 100 shekels ($25) just to help get me started. I did not want an all day tour with 50 or so close friends but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and had no clue where to start, so Neil fit the bill.

We started with king David’s tomb. It was kind of boring except that there was a curtain separating the men from the women. Neil did not understand my curiosity as to why? He simply said “of course”. None of the other attractions were segregated, except of course the Western wall. Next was the place of the last supper.

Neil explained that the original building has been destroyed and rebuilt several times. The last time by moslems (that’s the correct spelling here) and pointed out the stained glass to prove it? OK… Neil was great at slipping past lines of Asian tourists and security screenings thru unmarked doors and back stairwells. There were many war memorials and various markers that needed history lessons to go with them.

Now we have come to the church where Mary, mother of Jesus, died. If I ever had a religious experience, this was it. To all my relatives – don’t get your hopes up. The moment was fleeting. The church is small by any church standards, but maybe the most beautiful one I have ever seen.

The mosaics were simply incredible and on a level of their very own. I returned later in the day and just sat there for a while. Neil pointed me in the direction of the Western wall and we parted ways. I don’t think Neil could have gotten past the extra tight security as he was packing, as are many men. I did not see this in the suburbs yesterday.

The best part about having Neil along was the history lessons. “Here is where Jordanian soldiers slaughtered ten children. Here is where Jordan posted their soldiers in the war of 1967, etc…” You can hear the anger in Neil’s voice whenever he says “Jordan.”

The Western wall was well guarded and a bit anticlimactic. Women had access to about a fourth of it but seemed more intent on pulling down the curtain so they could watch the men. Oh well, I had to see it.

I decided to start over and see some things that Neil rushed past. My shortcut back, along the outside of the wall and through a field, took me past more ruins and some limestone caves. I re-entered the Old City through the Armenian quarter and just started wandering the alleys. My wandering inadvertently took me on to people’s patios with their lawn chairs and laundry hanging up to dry. I thought I saw an exit back to more of a thoroughfare kind of alley, and I did, but not until I crossed several more patios complete with more plastic chairs,trash, and drying laundry.

Admission to the Tower of David and accompanying archeological park was about $15. This was a fantastic series of exhibits about encessant wars. There is no end to the list of armies that have fought over this square kilometer. The top of the Tower of David is also the top of mount Zion and the view is incredible. I was standing there when the Moslem call to prayer began. The call is broadcast all over the city and I could hear it coming from all directions.  It was kinda cool but creepy at the same time.

Jerusalem is a three dimensional city and I climbed more stairs today than I think I  ever have before. I liken it to climbing Mt. Bierstadt. It is time to find a hotel and rest the ole knees. The most direct route to where I think I want to exit takes me past more houses and laundry hanging out to dry. These houses are scattered amongst churches, tombs, parks, ruins, and historical sites of all kinds. It felt surreal.

My hotel is quite swanky and includes breakfast. I asked the front desk clerk about how or where to book a tour of Petra. He said “Petra is in Jordan.” I guess I had my answer. Again, I could feel the anger.

After an hour or so of rest it is time to wander a little more and find dinner. The nearest alley is full of shops with crap I will never need or want. The shopkeepers are very aggressive and it is becoming difficult to be polite so I started down an alley without vendors. It was just getting dark and my sense of self preservation was already kicking in when a platoon of Israeli soldiers with machine guns, in single file, overtook me from behind and ordered me to turn around. I did not argue. I did ask why and a passer-by told me it is moslems only now.

So that’s how it works here. Different factions have control and responsibility over different areas. The Jews are angry that some of their most sacred sites are controlled by moslems and they have limited use or access. Bibles are banned from Mt. Olivetti. Moslems have limited visiting hours wherever it was I was headed and are guarded by Jews.  That’s just how it works here.

Dinner was falafel’s and a sprite.  

Day 3.

I fell asleep last night at about 8:30 and woke up at 11:30. I could not get back to sleep. I kept thinking about the weather, the guns, the shopkeepers, the hatred, the fanaticism, the insane heights, the falafel’s, and Mary. It’s all quite unsettling.  Bells at sunrise tell me it’s time to get up. Despite the lack of sleep I feel good but I am gonna take it easier today.

My proposed trip to Petra is falling apart. The ads online are either for people that travel in style, and have a lot more money than I do, or are obviously scams. None of the local storefront guides advertise for trips to Petra. Also, Jordan does not allow entry to anyone with an Israeli passport. Nor can I enter solo without a licensed guide, so I think this is one that I will just have to skip.

The free hotel breakfast was worth about what I paid for it.

It is time to visit the Moslem quarter and the Dome of the Rock.  No long marches today though. I catch glimpses of the dome and generally try to find alleys that head that way. It’s easy to tell when I am in the moslem quarter.  The shopkeepers are leaving me alone and the street food gets much more interesting. I try several alleys going towards the Dome but soldiers with machine guns tell me Moslems only. Eventually I get the hint and figure out that I can’t get there, so I just continue to wander.

Minutes later I am looking at what I think is a Titus arch and sure enough a self proclaimed 72 year old unlicensed guide, Badget,  gives me an accurate 30 second dissertation on Titus arches. The short story is; for 20 shekels he can get me pretty close to the dome.  We head down a nearby alley where a single soldier is standing guard. When the guard stands up to block me from passing Badget grabs my shoulder and pulls me around the soldier and just keeps walking. I am not happy about this, but the soldier just sits back down. Up a bunch of stairs, around some corners and there is the Dome. Inside the Dome is the rock the prophet Mohammed was standing on when he ascended to heaven.  Found this article today; https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6604207/Snow-covers-Jerusalem-Dome-Rock-Western-Wall-beautiful-ever.html

Badget gives me a five minute lesson on Mohammed and I Figure he has earned his 20 shekels,  but no. The tour continues and I realize he is showing me the stations of the cross. I just learned about this last summer. One of the stops was where Mary did something, I forget, but her foot prints are still clearly visible. Badget uncharacteristically leads me out through the gift shop where he gets a small kickback for doing so.

There are 14 stations. One is just a rock in the wall where Jesus put his hand for some reason. There is now an indentation in the rock from the millions of pilgrims who had to put their own hand there.  Badget is incredibly informative about each station, Jesus did this here, Jesus did that there, and tells me I will give him 20 more shekels to finish the tour. Done. After about an hour of history class Badget tells me to go into this church to see the last five stations. He cannot enter because he is unlicensed.  The licensed guides hate the likes of Badget and Neil because they can’t control their prices. For a total of about $10 Badget gave me a great tour and showed me things I would never have seen.

Inside the church is another magnificent mosaic. This church apparently allows tactile contact with everything and women are walking back and forth along this 30 foot long mosaic and rubbing it with their hands.  In front of the mosaic is a rectangular rock on the floor about 4’ by 12’ with some beautiful glass pendants hanging above it. There is a pretty consistent crowd rubbing the rock with their hands, or crying, or kissing the rock. This is the tomb of Jesus. It was very emotional.

Down the hall is a cathedral, inside the cathedral, where Jesus died. The line is too long so I headed down another hall, up some stairs and into a room with about one hundred people standing in line to do something. The cool thing about this room is that the crowd was reciting the lord’s prayer over and over. It was also very emotional.

The longest line of all was for the toilets. What this church lacks in art it makes up for with complexity.  There were no entry fees here, except for the toilets.

I have had quite enough for one day so it’s a slice of pizza and an early good night.

Day 4.

Shabbat. It mean Saturday. The Jewish day of rest. I was planning on taking the bus to Bethlehem,  but the busses aren’t running. In retrospect it worked out fine. Instead, it was high time to sample as much street food as my stomach would tolerate. What this really means is how much honey can I eat. There are honey balls, baklava, shredded wheat with walnuts and honey, croissant kind of things dripping with honey, chick peas with honey. It never ends. Neither does the stickiness. I need a laundromat and a shower, and to stop eating honey.

I had to pass through the Jewish/Christian markets to get over to the Moslem markets.   

I was hoping they would be on Shabbat also, but no. I made the mistake of slowing down to look at a really cool camel skin travel bag. The shopkeeper saw me looking, picked up the bag and followed me showing me all the fine features, telling me about his Bedouin tribe, how they needed the money, etc… In a moment of brilliance I looked him in the eye and calmly said,  “I really need a toilet.” I have to remember that one.

Today the cold, and rain, and wind are finally gone. I’m wishing the wind would return. Parts of the market smell nearly as bad as Paris. This is why they burn incense.

In the moslem markets I actually shopped and bought a few things including a bag of  “chips ahoy” for the trip home. I enjoyed a cup of tea (Lipton’s) at a hookah bar. At first I was bothered by the old men in there scowling at me, but then I realized they scowl at each other as well. It was a very pleasant and interesting experience.

I exit the Old City through the Damascus gate and stumble into a park called the Garden Tomb. It is run by a group of British bible thumpers that claim this is where Jesus really died and was intombed.  Imagine my amusement. The garden was lovely. For more info read the King James version, John 19 verses 16-18, available on itunes.

A half mile walk and I am in Palestine, sort of. Gone are the machine guns, ATM’s, and rock music. In are headscarves and the kind of music you would expect in the Middle East. It really is fairly pleasant, the music that is.

Shopping here is more normal. There are TV’S that I can’t buy in the U.S..  Suzuki, Vega, and Normandy along side the Samsung stuff. I decided my next tablet would be an Asus ZenPad 10. It took every bit of my willpower not to walk out with one right now.

I stopped to buy some interesting looking chocolate candies to take home. I stood in a short line just like everyone else and when it was my turn to pay a man jumped ahead of me and the cashier started to ring him up. I made a bit of a stink and they both rolled their eyes at me, but I went first. I am a firm believer in equality, even if it gets my ass kicked.

On the way back to my hotel I passed a restaurant packed with locals so I had to stop. They had something called Knafi. Fried cheese, sort of. Well worth the stop.

Dinner will be a slice of Mediterranean Pizza and Fanta, or beer if I can find one.

I am growing weary of the soldiers, shopkeepers from hell, gender inequality, all the unwritten rules, trash, beggars, and security checkpoints. It is time to leave Jerusalem.

Day 5.

A 1/4 mile walk gets me to Avis and a Nissan POS. The guy at the counter said go up hwy 90 right thru the occupied territory all the way to Tiberius on the shore of the sea of Galilee.

Basically head East to the Dead Sea and turn left.  

About 10 miles outside of Jerusalem the countryside turns to desert and the highway runs parallel to “The Wall”, then just desert. Another couple of miles and there is a turnoff and a sea level marker with a guy selling camel rides to tourists. Along the way are camps of Bedouin’s? living in tents, lean toos, and shipping containers with goats and sheep mulling about. I don’t  know how they survive. I have no idea what the animals eat because there is NO vegetation about. Think of the scenes in Jesus Christ Superstar.

After the sea level marker the road descends down to 1,400 feet below sea level (per google).

When the road turns North Jericho is on my left and the Dead Sea on my right. This is where I saw three wild camels moving fast. They had somewhere to be. I head up what I think is the Jericho Valley, which is nice and green along the river.  There is some agricultural activities to my right and just mountains and hills to my left. There are literally hundreds, or thousands, of caves in the limestone.

It’s getting kind of lonely out here so it occurred to me that I should buy some water if I get a chance. The town was named Na’amb. The sign said no Israelis permitted but I am not an Israeli. I pulled up and a smoking hot soldier opened the gate for me. Picture Gal Gadot in your head, only with a slightly rounder face.  Her stance was wide and I swear this scene was right out of Hollywood. Her uniform fit perfectly. She held her machine gun like a boss and had a large pistol strapped to her hip. Her jet black hair was splashed over her soldiers. As she took off her Rayban Aviators, gave me a smile that could melt dry ice and said, with the cutest accent ever, “sorry the store here closed a long time ago”. My brain froze solid and I couldn’t think of a single conversation starter so I just smiled, turned my Nissan around, and headed up the road again. I am sure she waved goodbye.

I eventually did buy some water and it was not a good experience. The clerk clearly didn’t like me and all I could think about was the TV footage of Palestinians celebrating in the streets on 9/11. The price was right. Four beverages for 10 shekels ($2.50).

A few more miles and there is a double fence the rest of the the way to the border with razor wire between me and the river. Next to the fence the ground is scraped smooth. There is nowhere to hide or take cover within about 100 feet of the fence. I occasionally see signs indicating that I  am in Jordan, but I don’t think I am, however, both sides of the road are fenced here. Google maps is worthless.

All of the turnoffs in the occupied territory have zone signs. Nearly all are “Zone C” – Israelis are  prohibited. Some zones allow refueling or something.

Crossing the border again was a snap, and the terrain changed instantly.  Green and lush with grazing pastures and crops galore. This could be just a natural change, but more likely it is a change in water allocation. Either way it is no accident that Israel got the meat and the Palestinians got the feathers. Palestine has very little in the way of resources. There is no water, no minerals, no tech, no industry of any kind that I could see. It is unlikely they could generate their own nuclear energy (no cooling water) even if they had the means and the latitude. There is very little infrastructure. No ports. No airport. No way to move goods to market and no way to pay to import anything. They are surrounded by states that will never cooperative with them. You don’t need a degree in economics to conclude that, state or no state, Palestine is fucked! So is Israel because with economic inequality on this scale peace will never exist. Never mind all the religious nut jobs.

Tiberius is on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, and is a spectacular vacation destination.  Picture lake Dillon or Vail. There are million dollars condos on the hills overlooking the lake each with their own landfill right off the deck. How convenient.  The McDonald’s fish sandwich was exactly like home but with many more beverages to choose from. The order taking and paying is completely automated. Push the buttons and insert your credit card or go hungry.

A short 1/2 hour drive across the country puts me in Haifa. There is a major port, nuclear power plant, and plenty of potholes here.   There is also a lot of money here. The housing looks very upscale and I see some American cars like Dodge Rams and Silverados.

• 

• 

Down the coast of the Mediterranean a ways puts me in Netanya. Netanya is to Tel Aviv what Ft. Lauderdale is to Miami. My 10th floor hotel room has a killer view but is kind of dated. For the first time on this trip I have a functioning TV. MTV, Fox news, college ball games, and several Russian channels. Today Israel started bombing Syria again and Russia is upset.

There are numerous Russian sounding signs near here and the scandal is that after the Soviet Union collapsed about one million Jews were allowed to leave and Israel promised to repatriate them. The problem is that they have now lost their Russian citizenship but they can’t prove their mother was Jewish, so Israel won’t issue them citizenship. They are stuck.

Dinner was carbonara and a glass of white wine.

Some random observations:

1. Jerusalem is just…absurd.
2. The food is ok, at best.
3. Cats run the place.  I have seen no mice.
4. Smoking seems compulsory.
5. The architecture is really nice.
6. There are a lot of high rises that seem to be stopped mid construction.
7. English was everywhere in Jerusalem. Not so much everywhere else.
8. Taxes are high (VAT = %17) and the government seems burdensome.  Licensed guides are in short supply. Uber and Lyft are illegal. The security costs must be outrageous. Still, there is enormous prosperity here.
9. Crime seems non-existent.  Bicycles are left unlocked,  women and children walk the streets alone and at night.
10. Gay men are everywhere and nobody pays any mind to them.
11. There are no signs of prostitution.  Not even “gentleman’s clubs”.
12. People ride their scooters with their feet hanging off near the ground. This is just wrong on several levels.
13. Asian females over 40 should not have driving privileges, worldwide.
14. Electric bicycles are very popular here.
15. Gasoline here works out to about $8/gallon.

Day 6.

I got some laundry done and while waiting I watched the news:

The U.S. is pulling out of Syria – I am OK with that. Iran, who has vowed the destruction of Israel, has now started setting up military bases in Syria very close to the Israeli border, no doubt with the blessings of Russia. Using U.S. built F-16’s, Israel attacked these bases. The Iranian’s / Syrian’s then fired rockets at a ski resort in the Golan Heights hitting nothing, but provoking another attack by Israel.  11 dead so far. I could hear the fighter jets over Tel Aviv and saw several helicopter gunships flying up and down the coast. In addition Israel signed a major trade agreement with Ukraine yesterday. I foresee a conflict between Russia and Israel someday. My money is on Israel.

Netanya is inch for inch the wealthiest spot I have ever been in my life. The architecture is gorgeous. These are not buildings – they are works of art. I took dozens of photos. I had an interesting conversation with a naked man (my same age, sorry no photos) who told me that this is all French money.

I had about 40 miles to travel today and all day to do it so I enjoyed long drives through the countryside. Sushi for lunch.

My flight leaves tomorrow so around 4:00 p.m. I headed for Ben Gurion airport and the Avis car return. Avis moved the return without telling Google. Needless to say I was a little pissed. Plus, there are no hotels at the airport and when a hotel says they have a shuttle, that doesn’t mean it’s a free shuttle. $35 for a four mile taxi ride, and again in the morning, leaves me with less than a warm fuzzy. A cold sandwich and water for dinner.

Day 6.

Heading home. Taxi rides are expensive and the government goes to great lengths to protect them from competition. I finally got to ride in a Skoda. It was very quiet and comfortable. I am not looking forward to a 12.3 hour flight.

Getting through “passport control” coming in is easy. Leaving requires facial recognition, and in my case, a bit of special treatment.  No big deal but the lines suck and it gets a bit claustrophobic especially amongst Chinese tourists. They are lacking in manners and have no concept of personal space.  A forearm in their face goes unnoticed. However, coughing loudly in their general direction buys you a couple of inches. I have some other unkind things to say but will hold it for now.

In reflection of my trip:

1. There is no culinary reason to come to Israel.
2. Prices are generally reasonable but not always posted. Knowing the price of competing goods (pizza vs a sandwich) helps me decide. Price inquiries about food frequently resulted in being asked how much can I pay?  They were not going to let me go hungry.
3. There is every reason to come to Israel if you are even a little interested in world events or history. Seeing first hand the inhumane economic warfare waged against the Palestinians provides me with some serious moral outrage, but knowing about the historical persecution of Jews I can’t help but support the existence of the state of Israel.  But I have to wonder if in the long run they are going about this in the wrong way. How would I behave if I were a member of either party?
4. Traveling with a backpack is the only way to go in a temperate climate. You would need a bit more room for warm clothes.
5. Special thanks to Alicia for indulging me and my selfish travel lusts.

PS: There was some drama on the return flight. Like a dog, I got business class. About 20 minutes into the flight the grouchy young fella next to me was asked to produce his boarding pass. He was then unceremoniously booted back to economy class. Eavesdropping on the cabin crew I overheard that law enforcement would be waiting for him in EWR. Let that be a lesson to y’all.

Then, about two hours into the flight they asked if there were any medical type people onboard. If so, please make your presence known. Sure enough the empty seat next to me was made into an adhoc hospital bed. I overheard discussions about diverting to somewhere I have never heard of, but eventually heard the “no keep going”.  The poor guy was writhing and moaning incessantly. They gave him a shot and took some pin prick blood samples. He was a grey as a ghost and trembled. Some of my fellow passengers donned dust masks and seemed a bit concerned. After landing everyone had to stay in place until the guy was gently dragged off the plane. Finally I learned that it was a kidney stone problem. Time to relax.

Don

The traveling curmudgeon