Seoul

Day 1.

Monday. September 4, 2023

Labor day weekend.

I’m on my way to Seoul, South Korea. 

Flying in over San Francisco Bay made me wish I had a boat to explore all of the little islands and canals. My seat mate was this young long legged Asian flight attendant who fell fast asleep resting up against me.  I didn’t really complain much.  

Alicia is going to be out of town attending her annual hen party, so this seems like a good time for me to go somewhere that is not high on her list. 

I’m not sure when traveling became so difficult.  The moment I stepped into the terminal at DIA an announcement came over the PA telling all gate agents to stop boarding immediately.  TSA stopped screening as well. I nearly just went home. It turns out that the train was broke down. When TSA started up again 20 minutes later the massive line went really fast. This tells me that the ever present lines are manufactured so that TSA can say “look, we need more money”. 

I am unusually stressed for this trip.  I think it’s because I have a drop dead must be home in 9 days for our anniversary, or else.  Plus, Korea is not as English language friendly as other places. Of course there’s also the weird food. Part of the adventure. I made it to SFO around noon.

My flight to Incheon (ICN) was scheduled to depart at 11:55 p.m., 12 hours from now. The first delay was about 1 hour because the overhead bin where safety equipment is stored wouldn’t close. We got the word that it was fixed and we could board while the paper work was completed. So, we boarded and pushed back (so the crew starts getting paid) and waited. And waited. Eventually the pilot (female) informed us that the paperwork was done but that someone on the ground didn’t do their job. The fuel filters on both engines needed servicing. So we waited.  Then they apparently also needed testing which meant that we needed to push back to the gate so a technician could board the plane and do a pressure test. But the tug was broke down. So we waited. The second tug showed up but the the first tug couldn’t be moved. So we waited. Another piece of equipment showed up after a bit to move the first tug and we finally got pushed back to the gate.  And waited. I waited at this airport for about 12 hours today and have been on this airplane for about 4 more. I was tired, anxious, uncomfortable, and just not feeling well. I was secretly praying to the Travel Gods that the crew would time out so I could just catch the 6:00 a.m. flight back to Denver. For a 12 hour flight I spent 17 hours sitting on this airplane, including the 25 minutes taxiing to the runway (remember, the crew gets paid by the hour). 

My seat mate was about my age and from China. She told me about getting a scholarship to attend school in the U.S. as a “very” young girl. She says the universities still cannot find enough local students in chemistry, physics, math, etc.. as she shakes her head in disappointment. She inquired about my itinerary. I told her just the usual tourist stuff and maybe I’ll catch a K-pop show. She asked me if I had ever seen a K-Pop before? I said no. She smiled. Actually she laughed, but never explained why. There were very few Caucasians on this U.S. airline flight.

Upon arrival we had to stay seated until “the authorities could remove someone.” Uniforms escorted 3 women off the plane with no drama. 

Finally, my boots are on the ground in South Korea. 

The long line for customs was spooky quiet, even the babies! Everyone was very well behaved as they texted and stared at their smart phones, so I did the same. Not even whispering. Spooky. There were man traps, well disguised, but there. The customs agent scanned my passport, took my photo and fingerprints. All electronically. My passport sticker is simply a QR code. The process was intimidating.

I can see the booth, oh look – donuts, for a sim card.  $20 buys a 7 day data only sim that includes a “T”, for transit, card. I loaded about $20 on the T card that may, or may not, be good for my 30 mile bus ride to downtown Seoul.

Wow, these busses are incredible. A white gloved valet loaded my backpack while I settled into my plush leather seat and adjusted the curtain for a better view.  Built by Kia this thing is really a 30 passenger limo. I can barely tell that we’re moving. The windows are pristine. No haze. No dirt. No streaks. Just a view. RTD can’t even dream at this level. 

On the 1.5 hour ride into town I see estuaries at low tide, a massive California style highway system moving at about 15 miles per hour, and some beautiful country side. 

We pass by a demonstration with one woman holding up a sign. There were 6 really big police busses parked nearby. Again, one woman with a sign. It’s important to note that today is Wednesday.

Korea is mostly Chinese style high rise housing, but far more aesthetic. No suburban single family homes are to be seen, but there are some mid-rise buildings in good repair. Speaking of good repair – everything here is clean and in very good condition. It almost seems like it’s new, but it’s not. Compared to Denver, or the U.S. in general, this place looks like it was just built.  I am a patriot and I love my country but I can see that our infrastructure, buildings, roads, and highways are in a state of disrepair and are approaching a state of decrepitude. Don’t get me started on the airports. It’s like we have no pride in ourselves. I have no room to talk. I hereby vow to dress nicer and attend more to my personal grooming. Koreans are known for always dressing very nicely.

Speaking of attire, I spilled oil down my shirt from the barely edible linguini during some turbulence. I’m exhausted and I know I really look like a slob and can’t wait to change. Part of why I am so self-conscious is because most people here are wearing sharp attire. I’m sure that everyone sees what a slob I am, especially the girls. 

Speaking of girls, I’m sure that you’ve heard about how attractive they are. Hot is a better adjective. Your notion is not wrong. There is a lot of natural hotness to be sure, but they don’t roll out of bed looking like that.  You can tell they spend many hours getting ready, even the boys. 

This is looking down from the Ibis Ambassador Insadong hotel at the Inseondong Hanok Village.

Entrance to the village is down this ally where lies dozens of little shops and restaurants.  Most of them only seat between a dozen to 30 patrons. 

I had shrimp tacos with a side of the best guacamole I’ve had in years. There were cases of ripe avocados from Peru stacked against the wall. The meal also came with some pickled onions and jalapenos as a garnish – at least I thought they were jalapenos. Will I never learn. Don’t eat anything that is red. It will set your chest hair on fire.

Here you cook your own food on the center grill. Couples walking around look strange to me. The boy holds onto the girls arm. It should be the other way around.

A happening street venue. Mostly delicious and very social, but not for me.

Sewer ventilation here is at street level so every now and then you get a very strong whiff of Paris. After a while you learn to recognize the ventilation grates and learn to hold your breath for just for a few seconds as you walk past it. It becomes natural and you’re not even aware that you’re doing it.

I have seen no homeless, or litter of any kind. Sorry, that was cruel. 

After dinner I had a bit of a walk around and found a brew pub. After ordering one of the worst beers ever, I realized that this was a French brewery. Full of french people. When I got up to leave the barmaid asked “too many French?” Yes, but I just said that I was tired. Would I like to take my beer with me? Sure, being polite. She poured my beer into an open top can Then placed the can into a small machine which spun a pull tab lid onto the can in seconds. Kinda cool.  I never did finish drinking it.

I’m still working up the courage to try the heated robo wash toilet seat. The directions are too complicated for me. This one has a built in night lite. 

Television in hotels is always disappointing. Mostly English language news and it’s always bad news. The commercials can be entertaining though. Viagra here is called”dongcock”. There’s usually a ping pong match on but tonight they were showing the World Championship Billiards match. Not pool or snooker. Real three cushion billiards. This is a true service to guests having a hard time falling asleep. 

Day 1 started on Monday and ended on Wednesday. It’s been a long day.

Day 2.

Thursday.

Changdeokgung Palace. 

Breakfast first. I found a perfect hole in the wall. There were about 6 little side dishes, a bowl of rice, and a large stainless steel mixing bowl with an egg, noodles, lettuce, and some shredded veggies which I started eating with my stainless steel chop sticks. The matron gestured that the rice gets put into the big bowl. So I put a bit of rice into the big bowl and left it in a clump so it would be easier to eat with chop sticks. Not good enough, so I added more rice. Still not good enough. She rudely took the bowl away from me, dumped in the rice, and stirred it vigorously before shoving it back in front of me. It was delicious. In fact, it was the best meal I had on the entire trip. 

At the palace I paid for a guided tour of the secret gardens (about $8 including admission). The guide was blessed with her share of natural hotness but was quite difficult to understand because of her accent. I stayed close so I could hear her better. We were allowed to take all the pictures we wanted – just not of her. I understand. She was the bored tour guide that just couldn’t give a care. (Grammar geeks: Which is the proper phrase? “She couldn’t give a care” OR “She has no cares left to give”?) She delivered the lines with all due diligence but her delivery was full of subtle sarcasm and snarkiness. At first I wasn’t sure, but when I gave her a sharp look she smiled back with her eyes. I think I was the only tourist who was paying any attention. Later when she made other snarky inflections she looked right at me while doing so. We were both grinning at each other. Best part of the trip so far. 

Before I continue I need to rant just a little:

Why do things have to be so bloody complicated! I brought my everyday cell phone. It works very well here when I have wifi, except for google maps. More on that later. I can “WhatsApp” with Alicia only when I have wifi and the call quality is great. I also brought an unlocked dual sim Xiomi (with built in spyware for the Chinese government). It only has data and won’t work with WhatsApp – no calling allowed. Without an actual phone # Uber and Lyft won’t work either. This turned out to be a major issue. Alright, I’ll juggle the phones and get by. Rant over. 

Now is when the trouble begins. 

Next is the Namsangongwon-gil Tower of Seoul. Usually called the “N Tower”.

The problem is getting there. I tried the subway but none of it was in English. I couldn’t even find the trains. There were no information booths and people were NOT eager to help me.  Especially the women. I would politely ask “do you speak English?” They completely ignored me. I was invisible.  I took the hint – don’t approach a solo female.

There is a another whole City down here. I wandered around for about an hour before giving up. Fortunately there are air conditioners where you can cool off a little.

I finally got on a bus recommended by Google maps that took me to the hill very close to the Tower, but when I got off the bus, where Google said to, I had a 45 minute walk ahead of me. It is waaay too hot for a hike like this.  I got back on a bus going the other way. I eventually took the gondola up to the tower for about $11. Yes, the views were great but the tower was a waste of time. I bought a one way ticket because the ticket gal said there’s buses at the top you can catch, but there weren’t. Arg!   

Getting home was a nightmare.  I can’t find the bus stops Google maps says to use. I can’t Uber or Lyft because I have no local phone number that works. I can’t find a taxi. Nothing is working.  I spent hours walking in circles. I’m frustrated and angry. My feet hurt. I’m hot, tired, and hungry.   This is not my idea of fun. Google maps just sucks here!

Day 3.

Friday. 

Today is a new day and I’m headed for the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) and the JSA (Joint Security Area) on a guided tour. 

A van is coming to pick me up at the hotel and then to the big tourist bus. While I was patiently waiting on the sidewalk a drunken man, about my same age, stumbles over and is trying very hard to make conversation. He has sexual intentions. This is not the first time this something like this has happened to me. Am I giving off signs? I make it clear that I am not interested and that I don’t appreciate him being so “handsy”.  Women have been putting up with this sort of thing for a long time. Now I know how it feels.  

Our delightful guide today, Dora, has a thick accent but a good sense of humor. She issued us ID cards we have to hang around our neck so she can spot us easily – because she says we all look alike (humorously).  

First stop on the tour is the Freedom Bridge.  There are a number of shops here and the Dippin Dots are very popular, as is the soybean ice cream. Not my favorite.

I opt to spend about $3 to ride the gondola across the river. We get a good view of the guard towers and the barbed wire fences that border the DMZ.  There is some kind of  “Yellow Perch” in the river but they look like giant tadpoles to me.  It doesn’t matter cuz I wouldn’t be able to catch one anyway. From the observation platform I could hear artillery fire.  My fellow tourists agree. Yes, this sounds like artillery fire. 

Freedom bridge has been destroyed so that no armies can cross over it, however there is a rail road bridge that is still in-tact but unused. South Korea, technically the Republic of Korea (ROK), has no easy way to move goods to Europe or the East coasts of the America’s.  South Korea would love to have access to markets through China via rail, but Kim Jong Un says no.  Columbus did not find an easy trade route to “The East” because there isn’t one. 

The view from the Gondola is breath taking.

Next stop is the Unification Bridge. Here soldiers board the bus to scrutinize our passports. By the way: I’m pretty sure that the hotness factor applies to the men here as well. The soldiers are pretty young because all males must serve for 18 months and most of them get it over with when they turn 18. Women have the option of joining the military. Deferments are possible for celebrities (K-pop stars) until the age of 30. The # 1 K-pop star (according to Dora), is serving at this bridge. Dora is just certain she will get to meet him sooner or later (her dramatization of this envisioned meeting was hilarious).

Unification bridge, also known as Cow bridge, is a big beautiful 8 lane bridge and is the only connection between the North and South Korea.  It is primed with explosives and can be demolished in an instant if North Korea decides to invade. No photos are allowed.  

Here’s how the story goes, as per Dora. Mr. Hyundai is actually from North Korea.  When he was a young man of about 15 years of age he stole a cow from his father, sold it, and used the funds to escape to now South Korea.  I don’t understand the politics because I thought there was only one Korea at this point. At any rate the story continues. Mr Hyundai became very successful, obviously,  and built this new bridge in 1998.  As a gesture of goodwill, he sent 1,001 cows across the bridge to atone for one he stole from his father.  Mr. Hyundai also a built a power line into North Korea. The bridge provided vehicle access into North Korea where Mr. Hyundai, and several other conglomerates, built factories that employed up to 50,000 North Koreans – at an hourly wage of about 10% of what South Koreans cost.  This ended in 2016 when both Kim Jung-il and Mr. Hyundai died.  South Korea then demanded that North Korea stop using their factory equipment. North Korea said no, we will use whatever we want, so South Korea shut off the power.  North Korea then blew up the now useless factories. The ruined factory complex was visible with binoculars later on in the tour.   

The bus takes us up to “Tunnel #3”. 

First however is a 7 minute film dripping in propaganda. When talking about North Korea the score has subtle minor keys and the cinematography is noticeably darker. The film talks about how South Korea  is working for reunification and brings home the final point about their superior ethics and morals as the dramatic music rises to a crescendo.   It’s un-sophisticated and over the top obvious propaganda.  Dora, I think, buys into it. She said, with no sign of humor or sarcasm, that South Koreans are the tallest country on earth and that North Koreans were the shortest.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I looked around at my fellow tourists to sense their reaction. They weren’t listening.  I sincerely hope I heard her wrong.  Dora said several other things that were just not believable. Her stories about North Korea go on,  and on,  and on…  Everything she said about North Korea was blatantly derogatory and I don’t think she realizes that the outside world needs no convincing about how bad the regime in North Korea is.  Her exaggerations are just not necessary.

Tunnel #3, of possibly hundreds of tunnels, was dug by North Korea for the purposes of invasion.  I will spare you, my gentle readers, a full description. If you’re interested here, and here, is some information.  The most interesting thing about it, to me, is that a reservoir was built so the tunnel could be flooded at a moment’s notice in case of an invasion from the North. 

North Korea is very much a current threat but I learned repeatedly that Japan is the real enemy. The multiple Japanese occupations are talked about constantly – everywhere you go.  There’s still a lot of anger and hatred. Remember that one woman with one sign protesting that I saw last Wednesday? It turns out that there is a protest every Wednesday in front of the Japanese embassy as a reminder of the sexual slavery they inflicted over the centuries, and particularly WWII. South Koreans are not terribly fond of China either.

Our passports were again checked on our way out of the DMZ and verified against the list of everybody who came in. On the return leg some tipsy obnoxious young European girls were singing the theme song from Dora the explorer. Our Dora wasn’t terribly thrilled about this.

The more I think about it the more I realize the DMZ is the most elaborate tourist trap ever conceived. Yes, the threat is real but this tour is just theater.

The tour bus got back to city center at about 3:00 I spent 30 or 40 minutes doing a little bit of shopping and then tried to make my way back to my hotel once again. I spent about an hour looking for the right bus stop. I’m ready to start spitting. I’m beside myself because I don’t know what to do. I’m tired. My feet hurt. It’s hot.  I just want to get back to my hotel. I eventually started walking.  About two and a half hours later I made it but I’m standing in front of the hotel looking at my Google map and it shows me being blocks away – this is infuriating. I’m really angry and I need a shower. I’m going to go have a nice dinner, which I did, and regroup to figure out how to navigate this damn City.  Either that or I’m just going to go home.

Day 4.

Today is Saturday and I have a plan!  I’m headed to Seoul Battleship Park and I’m going to get there old school. I use Google maps to create a route, then take out a real magnetic compass.  I’m going to walk Southwest for about 10 minutes to a major street. Google says 10 minutes, really it’s about 15 or 20 minutes. Then I’m going to find a bus stop that has the Blue Bus icon. Then I’m going to wait until the Blue Bus, number 271, comes along and ride it West for about an hour to a predetermined stop. Then, at that same stop, I wait for the Green Bus, number 2011, and ride it Southwest until I see the river. Google says it’s a 6 minute walk, but it’s really about 12 or 15 minutes.  

Blue Buses use the main arteries. 

Green Buses use the smaller streets. Big busses use the highway system, mostly. 

It was still early so breakfast was at a little hole in the wall.  The only thing on the menu, well, there was no menu, was fish, which suited me fine. I did my best to use chopsticks and was enjoying the meal when the matron came over and rearranged all the side plates in front of me. I’m not really sure why she was so irritated by whatever it was I was doing.  She is the the third restaurant matron to have an issue with my table etiquette (Dunkin Donuts was the first).  Without me asking she came over again to rudely drop a fork on the table. 

Battleship Park obviously has a battleship, plus a submarine, and a Patrol Boat.  There’s a number of displays that show how proud they are that they built these boats themselves. Especially the submarine. 

There are photographs of the hull during construction but when you’re inside the boats all of the equipment,  instrumentation,  radios,  radars, and electronics,  are in English and quite recognizable as being U.S. built. 

The displays graphically depict battles that each of these ships were involved in. All of the battles were all against North Korea in the 1990’s and 2000’s.  This conflict is very real and present.

About a block from the river I spot a barbers pole. I don’t need a haircut but I just can’t resist hanging in this neighborhood.  The barber was fast asleep in his easy chair when my presence woke him up. I think I gave him a bit of a fright. Ten minutes and about $12 later I was gorgeous. He followed me out the door and waived goodbye at me, and again as I passed him on the Green Bus. 

My new navigation system seems to be working. Next was the Royal Palace.  Admission is free if you are dressed in traditional costume. This guy was a lot of fun. The Japanese destroy nearly everything every time they leave so this is a replica of a replica of a replica, etc… Even with a  free tour guide in English it was all a bit shallow and it was just too damn hot. I went back to the hotel for a nap. I must be getting old.

North Korea launched a submarine today.  Kim Jong-un was featured all over the news programs shaking hands with Vladimir Putin.  Apparently North Korea is going to supply Russia with ammo.  It’s really quite depressing. 

I can’t find an Irish pub so I settled for a rest with a Guinness and some Pringles on the hotel rooftop. Classy, huh!

For the third time on this trip time the matron had an issue with what I was doing (4th really. I drank my coffee from a paper cup at Dunkin donuts). I sat where I was directed to sit, but then got barked at to move to another seat, and then yet again to another seat. Each time it felt punitive. I watched the chef gut, skin, and cut a writhing 2’ eel into 4” pieces with a pair of scissors.

Dinner was a plate of shrimp. I was having a really difficult time eating them because they weren’t peeled and were very slimy.  I simply couldn’t eat the heads.

I was making a mess and three girls adjacent to me were getting a good laugh out of it. It wasn’t a kind laugh. One of them tried to sneak a picture of me. When I said something to her she went to great lengths to show me that the photo had either never been taken or was deleted. Not that I really cared about the photo but I was a little offended, and still hungry. So I snuck a revenge a photo of them – Bitches! Not that they would notice because they were too busy with their smartphones.

Day 5.

Sunday.

Today I’m headed for the Bukhansen National Park about an hour out of town. I’m going to start early so I can get some walking in before it gets too hot. The Blue Buses start at 5:00 a.m. I want to get in a bit of a light hike, take a rest at the hotel and head downtown for an outdoor  showing of Bizet’s Carmen at 3:00 p.m.  It didn’t work out. Nor did the pasta dinner I had planned.  The walk, however, was great.

My navigation system has flaws.  What should I do if I’m waiting for the Blue Bus number 704 and a Green Bus showing 704A (in blue) comes along? It’s possible, in my mind, that they ran out of Blue Buses so they substituted a Green Bus and displayed blue numbers and an  “A” to designate it as a Blue Bus. They didn’t.

I usually try to go to a McDonald’s everywhere I go so I can have a fish sandwich to compare and contrast. I walked in to the lobby and there’s a big sign: 

• no fish sandwiches 
• no halal 
• no vegetarian
• no barbecue sauce 
• DON’T ASK

Day 6.

Monday was time to head home. 

There was somewhat of an altercation at the bus stop. My driver was loading suitcases in the belly of the bus when the driver behind us got out and shouted a two syllable word with great hostility. My driver immediately dropped my backpack in the street and stood at attention facing driver #2. Driver #2 fiercely stared down my driver for a long time.  It was making me feel quite uncomfortable so I wandered over to a German couple and asked them if they knew what this was about. No. They did mention that they had had troubles with rude bus drivers and especially google maps. I mentioned the rude restaurant matrons and they both agreed. It’s nice to not feel alone. Finally, driver #2 got back in his bus. Our driver finally stood down from attention and quickly moved our bags from the bay he just put them in to a different bay and drove us to the airport.

Flying back out of San Francisco I thought it looked like a tiny village. It is hard to fathom the population and density of Asian cities. 

Some random observations:

1. All of the cars and busses are very modern and in excellent condition.  
2. South Korea is prosperous but nothing like Japan or Hong Kong.  Luxury goods like BMW’s, jewelry, designer clothing, fine dining, etc… are rare.  
3. Foreign credit cards don’t always work at the ATM’s.
4. Toilets here are very clean, plentiful, easy to find. Trash cans not so much.
5. This is a massive city with tons of traffic and no apparent air pollution. No smog at all.
6. Elders always go first, even if they’re foreigners. If I was the oldest guy at the bus stop everyone patiently waited for me to get on while I stood there wondering what they were waiting for. Same when getting off. If there was someone older than me he got on first, and then me, etc… Strictly adhered to.
7. The tide here is 27’. That may explain why there are almost no boats of any kind to be seen. Economics may be another reason. At low tide the mud flats go on for miles.
8. Korea is the only place I have ever been where I couldn’t find an Irish pub. At least 7-11 has Guinness.
9. Asia here is pronounced with a long A. Ahsia, rhymes with Natashia. 
10. Asians and middle-school girls have something in common: they spend their lives intently focused on their smartphones.

The bikes here are mostly Honda Super Cubs. A Japanese bike here attests to the quality and design of these little jewels. I want one so bad.

Low bed height, dual rear wheels, fold down sides, tie down hooks everywhere, and a leather cab. Why can’t I get one of these in the U.S.?

A dual cab cabover! These look utilitarian, and they are, but the interiors are luxurious.

I’m aware that while reading this blog it sounds like a had a terrible time – but I didn’t.  I just write about all the unusual stuff so that I don’t sound like a tour guide. It was a great trip- just with some challenges. That’s what walking the earth is all about.

Don